omg... I got back my chem test.. and I failed even worse... this proof that the made-beloved subject idea doesn't work... but, at least. I noe I tried.. though I failed, but I gained an deeper understanding of the topic. hope this can motivate me...
sometimes I doubt my ability. am I stupid? or, was I too careless? or too stress under test condition? I'm speechless...with anger, hatred and sadness
I feel lost yesterday.. then I got no mod to mug... I was thinking what actually define myself? and there are so many things I wanted to do, so many ambitious goals I wanted to achieve.. and so many challenges to overcome. so I wonder, who am I, who am I doing all these for? sometimes I feel so tire that I want have cocoonal style of personal management- just isolate myself from the reality. this morning I wake up and walk out of house, then I suddenly think of earthquake. I was think what if I die in an natural disaster? then, what will happen?... I can escape the stressful world.. if I die, will anyone even cry for me- except my family. so, in the end, I don want to die like this. I wanna die as someone people remember me for who am I. I want to appear as the news headline when I die. I want people feel sad whn I die..
its the feeling of unimportant made me wrote this, so I shall go and find my relevance in life. btw EOY is coming, I shouldn't tbink so much, just go mug.. and numb myself with knowledge.. x.x
today sh told me that tunblr is much better than blogger. he suggest that i should try out. so i went and tried.. and moved my blog there... www.haonan.tumblr.com
today is the last day of the long weekend... kind of sad... i felt that time really pass quickly, cant believe 4 days of holiday could end within a blink of an eye.. i had afternoon tea with mum at orchard today and gained more deep understanding of human relation or maybe the world im living in...
continue from the previous post, i started reading chemistry note... and chem is my new made-beloved subject. i bought topic by topic tys (i used to have full paper tys, not very gd for ct.) a few days ago and start doing. o lvl paper seems easier than our school's ct paper, so i somehow gained some confidence in chem.. hope this will motivated me more.. the most powerful things that human minds can do is to make motivation out of no motivation... i suppose.? i shall the the result in a few days time... which is chem test.
i have been thinking for weeks on what to write for this first post. here it comes...
I came across a quote online: love is not about finding a perfect person, it is about seeing a imperfect person perfectly. this is kind of self denial... but.. i feel that we need this kind of mindset to survive in this world. sometimes, you have to lie to yourself, cheat yourself in to believing something that is abivious fake. this will hopefully give u energy and motivation. so... from today.. i shall tell myself: "i love chem, i love chem..." then, i can get full marks for next chem test... :) don noe if this works... but.. im trying it out.
